In employee relations, the language we use plays a critical role in shaping the dynamics of communication and the overall atmosphere of the workplace. One seemingly innocent word, "why," can often lead to unintended consequences when addressing issues with employees. While asking "why" may appear to be a straightforward way to gain information or understand a situation, it can inadvertently create defensiveness, hinder open communication, and damage trust. In this blog post, we will explore the reasons why "why" should be avoided in employee relations and suggest alternative approaches for more effective communication.
The Problem with "Why"
Triggers Defensiveness
When employees are asked "why" they did something, it can feel accusatory. The word "why" often implies that the action or decision in question was wrong or misguided. This can put employees on the defensive, making them feel like they need to justify or defend their actions. For example, if a manager asks, "Why did you miss the deadline?" the employee might feel cornered and respond with excuses or blame-shifting rather than addressing the underlying issues.
Implies Judgment
The question "why" inherently carries a tone of judgment. It suggests that the person asking the question is evaluating the actions or decisions of the employee, which can create a sense of hierarchy and superiority. This judgmental tone can erode trust and respect between managers and employees, making it difficult to build a collaborative and supportive work environment.
Hinders Open Communication
Effective communication in the workplace relies on openness and honesty. When employees feel judged or defensive, they are less likely to be transparent about their thoughts and feelings. By asking "why," managers may inadvertently stifle the very communication they seek to foster. Instead of discussing the real issues or challenges they are facing, employees may provide surface-level answers that do not address the root cause of the problem.
Focuses on Problems Rather Than Solutions
Asking "why" tends to focus on past actions and problems rather than looking forward to solutions. While understanding the reasons behind a particular issue is important, dwelling on the past can prevent the team from moving forward. In employee relations, it is more productive to focus on what can be done to improve the situation and prevent similar issues in the future.
Alternative Approaches
To foster a more positive and productive dialogue with employees, consider using alternative approaches that encourage open communication, mutual respect, and solution-oriented thinking. Here are some strategies to consider:
Ask "What" and "How" Questions
Instead of asking "why," try asking questions that begin with "what" or "how." These questions are less likely to trigger defensiveness and can help gather more actionable information. For example, instead of asking, "Why did you miss the deadline?" you could ask, "What challenges did you face that prevented you from meeting the deadline?" or "How can we better support you to ensure deadlines are met in the future?" Every “why” question can easily be re-worded to a “what” or “how” question.
Some even refer to "Tell Me About" as a tactic.
Focus on Solutions
Shift the focus from the problem to finding solutions. Encourage employees to think about what can be done to improve the situation and prevent similar issues. For example, ask, "What steps can we take to ensure this doesn't happen again?" or "How can we work together to improve this process?"
Use Empathy and Understanding
Show empathy and understanding when addressing issues with employees. Acknowledge their feelings and perspectives and demonstrate that you are there to support them. For example, you could say, "I understand that you faced some challenges with this project. Can you share more about what happened and how we can help?"
Create a Safe Space for Communication
Foster an environment where employees feel safe to speak openly without fear of judgment or repercussions. This can be achieved by actively listening, showing appreciation for their honesty, and maintaining confidentiality when appropriate. Encourage a culture of open dialogue where employees feel valued and heard.
Provide Developmental Feedback
When addressing performance issues, provide developmental (not constructive) feedback that focuses on specific behaviors and outcomes rather than questioning the employee's motives. For example, instead of saying, "Why didn't you complete the report on time?" you could say, "I've noticed that the report was submitted late. Let's discuss what happened and how we can prevent this in the future."
When addressing performance “constructive” comes across as negative. There is not a person we met that is truly open to being criticized, critiqued, or constructively evaluated. When referring to feedback it is either positive or developmental.
Real-World Examples
Example 1: Missed Deadline
Ineffective Approach -- Leader: "Why did you miss the deadline?"
Effective Approach -- Leader: "I noticed the deadline was missed. Can you walk me through what happened and what we can do to ensure we meet deadlines in the future?"
Example 2: Conflict with a Colleague
Ineffective Approach – Leader: "Why are you having issues with your colleague?"
Effective Approach – Leader: "I've heard there are some conflicts with your colleague. Can you share your perspective on the situation and how we might resolve it together?"
Example 3: Decline in Performance
Ineffective Approach -- Leader: "Why has your performance declined recently?"
Effective Approach – Leader: "I've noticed a change in your performance. Is there something affecting your work that we should address? How can I support you to get back on track?"
Conclusion
In employee relations, the words we choose can significantly impact the effectiveness of our communication and the quality of our relationships with employees. While asking "why" might seem like a logical way to understand a situation, it often leads to defensiveness, judgment, and hindered communication. By adopting alternative approaches that focus on empathy, solutions, and open dialogue, managers can create a more supportive and productive work environment. By asking "what" and "how" instead of "why," we can foster better understanding, collaboration, and trust with our employees, ultimately leading to a more positive and effective workplace.
If your leaders can use tips like these and so much more, consider Talent Authority’s Talent Academy for Leaders. The program can be delivered to just your leaders or you can send some leaders to our open-enrollment program, which is offered several times a year.
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